The Babylon Bull · Financial News You Can't Trust (Parody)
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Latest Headlines (All Parody)
Updated: ET
Bitcoin briefly loses the eighty-thousand handle then snatches it back, proving dip buyers still have the best reflexes on the internet
(Parody)Investors flee AI stocks for the Dow and Treasuries, finally remembering that boring companies still make things people buy
(Parody)Broadcom CEO compares AI investors to casino gamblers, as the casino notes its customers at least know which game they're playing
(Parody)JPMorgan names India the best hedge against the AI trade, confirming the hottest investment strategy on Wall Street is now owning whatever doesn't have a chatbot
(Parody)Hotter-than-expected inflation report revives Fed rate-hike talk, as traders who bet on cuts confirm they were data dependent on the wrong data
(Parody)Smartphone shipments hit a record low as memory chips get diverted to AI servers, forcing consumers to keep their old phones and remember things the old-fashioned way
(Parody)BlackRock CEO warns pausing data center construction could trigger a recession, confirming the U.S. economy now runs entirely on GPUs and vibes
(Parody)Treasury asks the IMF to rename artificial intelligence "super intelligence," confirming the fastest way to make something smarter in Washington is still a new acronym
(Parody)Memes (Parody)
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